Middle School is Coming

What do you drink before a marathon?
Lots of running water.

Why did the ghost go to the game?
To boo the umpire.

What happens to a quarterback who eats too much?
He becomes a fullback.

Which of Santa’s reindeer is a track star?
100-yard Dasher.

Which baseball team also takes care of sick animals?
The New York Vets.

That’s 4th grade boy humor in a nutshell. Simple. Pure. 100% Family Circus. Slightly over the head of a 4 ½ year old desperate to understand what’s so funny but more than willing to accept that it is. Somewhat painful to anyone past puberty, particularly those living under the same roof with the 4th grader and his jokebook. Chuckling at the punch line however is critical; otherwise, it will be repeated until confirmation is received that you’ve actually heard it. Or without a laugh, you might be inviting back the “poopyhead” days where reactions were guaranteed.

If the truth be told, I remember getting excited when I started to understand that words could have double meanings. Excuse me a minute as I think of a good excuse for why I am up so late writing this post. It’s just that I’m not yet content with the content of this post. (I’ll stop that now.) As I have aged, I realize that the universe of words with double meanings is even larger than I had originally imagined. Take for instance the word, shop (v). To a female, to shop is to browse, try on, purchase multiple items, try on again, and finally return something. To a male, to shop is to enter and exit a store in under ten minutes.

So why was the baseball player’s mother happy?

So why was the baseball player’s mother happy? (second attempt)

Because her son reached home safely! And because her son was not the one overhead during a recent carpool saying, “Say rubber buns and liquor fast after everything I say …. What did you have for breakfast? What did you have for lunch… What do you do when you see a cute girl?”

AHHHHH!, middle school is almost here! And middle school is NOT 100% Family Circus. I’m so not ready for this. I’m not ready for crude jokes that my son doesn’t yet understand, particularly ones that are at the expense of another person. I’m not ready to make more judgments about when to speak up, and when to simply let things run their course. I’m not ready to be unpopular with his friends, or worse yet, an embarrassment to him. I know that there will be more whispered voices, private chuckling, and closed doors in the future. The iPod will leave it’s docking station and move into my son’s ear. I know that we will soon be entering a stage when my advice will be sought less often, and my opinions challenged more frequently. Other voices will start becoming louder in my son’s ear, and so my hope is that we’ve said and done enough that the voice he attends to most consistently is his own.

Until then, I will try to laugh even more heartily at Santa’s track star reindeer, 100-yard Dasher.