Good Friends

You can tell someone is a good friend when you hardly notice you’ve just run/walked 3 miles around a lake in the rain.

For starters, it would be much simpler to call for a rain out with a lesser friend. They’d say, “No problem. I understand. We’ll do it another time. Yeah – rain in Seattle in October – who would have known?” Good friends have a way of not letting you off the hook quite so easily. They can discern if you really are, in fact, under the weather or if you just woke up, saw the rain and decided to eat a cinnamon roll. Good friends are dialed in when we offer up lame excuses. And they know just the right mix of persuasion, guilt, and the silent treatment to get us up off the couch.

The other thing is that the run/walk concept would not work so well with just an acquaintance. You have to know someone well to be totally at ease in saying “I…NEED…MUST…WALK!” at any moment and not be self conscious if those moments happen frequently. A good friend also knows how to read your hyperventilation cues -- when it’s time to pick up the conversation baton and when it’s OK to pass it back. What’s more, good friends get when it’s important to be doing the “run” part of the run/walk. Like when you have an opportunity to pass large groups of people. Or when someone over 60 passes you. Or when a Starbucks is within line of sight. Lesser friends might make the mistakes of suggesting a second lap around the lake to continue talking. But friends who know you well understand that’s what Starbucks or next time is for.

Conversations just flow with good friends. You could be talking about you child’s sleeping habits, in one moment, skip over to the grave water shortage in Atlanta in the next breath, and then jump to the topic of a new diet idea that involves more sex. All done completely seamlessly. No awkward transitions. No need to explain how or when topics shifted. And, because you’re not talking to husbands or children, repeating yourself is also not necessary. Time is precious for all people, particularly mothers, and so the best friendships are the ones where you can skip over the niceties, get to the meaty stuff, and then rapid fire through as many topics as possible in 90 minutes. The best moms can also do this while making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

I think most Moms would say there are days when you wish you could switch your role as a work-at-home or work-out-of-the-home Mom. Having a good friend for honest discourse about this never-ending internal debate helps a lot. That debate has a way of quieting down – at least momentarily – when you share in the successes and failures of a friend living your opposite life. On the last run/walk, my dear friend Cory was able to vicariously live through me as I shared some recent office successes. Because of her eagerness to hear all the details, I didn’t feel the need to self edit or tone down my enthusiasm. And just like your own Mom would do, she stroked my ego -- telling me she wasn’t surprised. And then asked me what my plans were to ask for a raise and promotion.

Likewise, I was able to live vicariously through her as she shared her and her husband’s strategy for teaching their kids about some core family values. The “5 Star Plan” is reviewed regularly at dinnertime and even has some visual aids posted around the house. (Overachievers can find a use for Powerpoint skills both in and out of the house.) Instead of feeling immediately inadequate about my own core value family plan, I was 100% inspired to shamelessly copy the idea.

It’s also great to have a friend that is hip enough to want a pair of “f**** me” shoes (um, just repeating how they’re known in fashion circles). These shoes I learned are basically heels with an ambitious arch, a hellacious heel (I guess you could say – heelacious), and preferably in a can’t-me-miss-color like red. Until my recent trip around the lake, I had no idea what they were or when one would find an occasion to wear them. Since my dates nights with my husband are infrequent and I’m challenged already with a mini boot heel, I don’t think I’ll pursue a pair of my own – but man do I respect having a 40 year old friend that could totally pull it off and look good doing it. And, if I’m ever brave enough to change my mind – if even just for practice around the house, I know where to find a pair to borrow.

Thanks to all my dear women friends for making life that much more than it already is.