"Do Not Enter"

My oldest son is a rule follower. He especially likes to keep to the letter of the law with regard to the rules of the road. He has cried every time we (Brett) has been pulled over by a cop for speeding. Roadtrips are now quite a bit longer with Mr. Speedometer in the backseat. Thankfully he has not been in the car during one of my annual tire blowouts. I don’t think he’d understand if I tried to tell him that it was the encroaching traffic median’s fault (which by the way, it always is.) Not even the nicest Tow Truck driver in the world could keep Quinn from losing his marbles.

He is especially neurotic – and I mean that in the nicest way – when it comes to parking violations. He takes bus zones, three minute loading areas, and visitor parking very, very seriously. I’m still trying to explain how it is possible to park, order, pay for, and get a latte in under three minutes. He’s not buying it. Nor he is buying the fact that sometimes we really are in fact the visitor that the sign is referring to. Given his sensitivity to these issues, it is unlucky that our city neighborhood is zoned for parking and that we occasionally get tickets for parking in our own driveway. Though it is amusing to see my mild mannered husband mix it up with the parking rent-a-cops on those days.

While I’m thinking about it … I want to find and hurt the person who thought it was a good idea to put a 30 minute limit at the Airport Cell Phone Parking Lot. This is not helpful to any parent who has rule follower children. Unless of course they thought that circling the airport while throwing crackers to the screaming children in the back seat at the same time you’re leaving the sixth message on your husband’s turned off cell phone was safer than staying parked.

So it should not have surprised me when Quinn flipped out recently because I ignored a “Do Not Enter” sign. The sign was posted on a residential street that bordered a neighboring school. The street was not a one way street, so it was clear that the sign was being used to help manage traffic flow during school commuting times. All makes sense. However, at the time of this infraction, school was not in session and so there was no traffic to manage. There was also a piping hot pizza in the back seat. So my action to fly through the “Do Not Enter” sign was willful, but considered.

Quinn was stunned. After he realized my flagrant violation, out pops this:

“COME ON, Mom – use your skills!”

At first, I thought he meant my driving skills. I don’t have many of those. I wondered if he had noticed my overall reluctance to change lanes or the fact that I will do just about anything to avoid parallel parking. But I soon realized that he was really talking about my skills for following the rules.

I tried to explain some of my thoughts from above, about how sometimes rules can be flexed. About how the context or intention of the rule is also important. About how in business they tell you to “first break all the rules.”

Unsatisfied with my response, he then said, “But Mom, you can’t decide which things you want to follow and which you don’t want to follow. You have to follow ALL the rules.”

It was the same response I would have given at nine years old. Or, even at sixteen. I remember being incredulous when my Mom used to suggest that I skip school to go shopping. That was definitely not in the rules and oh my goodness, what would my absence note say?! To which she would reply that my note would simply say that my Mom it taking me out of class to get some new clothes and have a nice lunch and that PS, the nurses have permission to give me aspirin. I don’t think I ever took her up on the offer, but it certainly wasn’t for her lack of trying.

As I have reflected on this over the years, I have realized that this was one of the ways that the Mom was helping me to break out of being a rigid rule follower. She knew I wasn’t going to cut class, but she wanted to plant the seed that maybe one day that or something like that just might be OK.

I came around by college. And now, if asked to skip work to shop, my only question is who’s credit card will we be using.

So as grateful as I am that Quinn is wired the way he is, I’m hoping that one day he might find a reason to ignore a “Do Not Enter” sign … or at least speed in North Dakota.